The authors define a crucial conversation as “A discussion between two or more people where the stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong.” While these tense situations may be unavoidable, Crucial Conversations will help them be less painful for everyone involved. I know I’ve had experiences where discussions have quickly taken a quick turn for the worse, and both me and the person I was talking to end up hurt or frustrated. They can range from informal to formal, but whatever the dialog may be, things can get heated. Some are with our mother or our spouse, while others are with coworkers or our boss. Audible Promo Code February 2024 (Risk-Free 30-Day Trial + Up to 2 Free Books)Įvery day, we engage in many conversations.The 21 Best Books of 2021 (Fiction & Nonfiction).It would be extremely difficult to imagine any sane person reading this and not getting some excellent (and applicable) information from it. It's a huge perspective shift when we can look at a situation objectively from this point of view. Now both sides can see how much they have in common first (which is likely a lot) and see what is not shared second. If both parties feel safe in this conversation, and they both add to the shared pool of meaning, there will be more overlap. By adding everything you can from your side, you increase the chances of showing more commonality with their viewpoint. Picture a Venn diagram (you know the one with 2 or more circles and then it shows what portion overlaps?) and pretend your viewpoint is one circle and there's is the other. This can help to establish trust, but the main reason for it is exceptionally brilliant. Basically this says that you should provide as much info to the other party as you can about your side. There will always be stress and fear, but if we can reduce it to manageable levels, we can still accomplish the goals of our conversation.Īnother big takeaway I got from this book was the "Adding to the pool of shared meaning" tactic. We're in a conversation with a valued employee to talk about them being late for work and the best our body can do is make us 100% ready to either fight them or run away! Sounds silly, right? But remember, we're not that many generations away from being chased by wildlife.Ĭrucial Conversations walks you through step-by-step on how to make this process feel safe for both parties. Our lizard brain thinks we're in actual danger, so our body triggers fight or flight reactions. Tense situations make us stressed and that throws everything out of whack. Often times we want to spare somebody's feelings. Our peace of mind is on the line and we're concerned about the ramifications if we do it wrong. We have to confront a behavior problem at the workplace, or maybe we need to have a tough conversation with a loved one. And rightfully so! I will quote the book directly to shed some light on why this happens: "When it matters most, we do our worst." These are viewed in our mind as confrontational encounters and the thought of that stresses us out. Crucial Conversations walks you through the many reasons that you avoid having those 'tough talks' or why you avoid those 'sensitive employees'.
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